TUNE UP The heartstrings of marriage, like a guitar need to be regularly tuned. Before a guitarist plays a concert they tune the strings to make sure the tone is perfect. In the early days of marriage our spouse is listening for the right tone and the strings are tuned toward love and happiness. But like a guitar, if our heartstrings go unchecked our marriage tones become less harmonious. Our heartstrings need to be re-tuned. Every couple needs a tune up from time to time.
TUNE IN Like the guitarist is playing close attention to the strings on the instrument and making sure it has the perfect sound, we too need to be attuned to our spouse. Being “attuned” to your marriage is when you sense something is bothering them. You recognize out of character behavior. You know how to show them love and support. When our spouse is attuned to our needs and desires we develop a sense of trust and emotional safety. WE FEEL LOVED. “It is impossible to nurture healthy relational dynamics without practicing attunement.” Dr. Gottman.
When we practice TUNNING UP and TUNNING IN it will keep us from TUNNING OUT!
PUT INTO PRACTICE
Learn how to make MELODIOUS MARRIAGE MUSIC! Here are two important strings to TUNE IN your marriage before you start:
STRING#1 Get In Tune with Yourself!
Understand Your Own Emotions If you are bothered by your inability to label your emotions, Stop, Relax, and Meditate for a moment. Clear your mind. Search for a word. When a word comes to mind and your body relaxes, you’ve defined your emotions. Here are a few examples you can use in this activity as a starting point:
STRING#2 Stay In Tune with Your Spouse!
Understand Your Spouse’s Emotions. Ask Open-Ended Questions. Avoid questions that require only a yes or no as an answer. Open-Ended questions invite your spouse to share more information about themselves and their experiences. This helps to open the conversation and often helps people feel more at ease. Here are a few examples to use as a starting point:
The combination of two becoming one, blending gifts and talents and energies, creates a new SONG for the glory of the master Conductor. He is weaving a beautiful orchestration from the sounds of our lives!